One

 

Evening all. I hope you are all ok. We are doing fine - all things considered. One of these days, I'll have such exciting things to tell you about the places I have been and the people I have seen. This is not that day. 

I went to the dentist if that's any help. I have a new hygenist. He's called Damien. He's quite flamboyant. He shared a lovely story about how he uses his water flosser in the shower because it's less messy because he is obviously naked. I am still fighting off the picture painted onto the back of my eyes. However, he is perfectly charming - Polish I think - and he sends me on my way with a cheery "You take your beautiful smile to work now and tell them Damien did it! Hurrah!" It was almost worth the seventy of your English quids I handed over. 

We had intended to go to Bath for a couple of days to see Richard E Grant. Just talking about his book and the death of his wife Joan. I've read a couple of his books and he is very gossipy, which I like very much. However, we have just found out that the train strike is on those days so that's off as well. I can't really complain too much. I approve of the strikes so it's no good having a hissy fit when I am inconvenienced. Still, it may have been nice.

Like many people, I have found this week difficult. It probably reflects badly on me that the things that worry me are not the real problems that people are having with paying bills, buying food, finding enough carers to do a shift etc. but the behaviour of people in what we call "politics". I like a spectacle as much as the next person (probably more, unfortunately) but the whole three-ring circus vibe of the last couple of weeks has started to affect me mentally. It's on every news programme understandably and in every paper. I am, in turn, angry, embarrassed and despairing about the whole thing. Being very old I was brought up to respect those in power - even if I disagreed with them. They should be better than me and they are quite obviously not and believe me, that is a very low bar to be better than me. 

It's the little things that are wearing me down

1. Grown men allowing Boris Johnson to refer to them as "Dudders".

2. Grown women with the title "Health Secretary" telling us they give antibiotics out to their friends and families. (Also see comments to nurses - I can get people to do your job on the cheap - you know where the door is if you insist on a wage rise)

3. People U-Turning to get behind anyone they feel will get them a job at the top table with no thought of any kind of belief system or fear of looking cheap or shallow.

4. Jacob Rees Mogg

More importantly - there is no work being done. For instance, there is an ongoing campaign out there to increase the mileage allowance so that, among other things, volunteer drivers are not out of pocket when they drive for us. No one has been able to find a single MP that is against the rise. Everyone thinks it is a good idea. No one can find anyone able to actually do anything about it. It is a good policy, stuck because everyone's energies are being ploughed into sorting out each other. 

I've ranted I know, I'm sorry. And, as I said, it's not doing me any good. I do have a tendency to the cynical sometimes (I know, shocking) and the person that has the most negative impact on is me. But what to do. There is so much negativity - it feels like that is all there is. It is vital to get the thought life under control I suppose but I am someone who struggles to get the back of my bra under control. (Why aren't all bras front-fastening? Why make the clasps impossible to reach? If men had to wear bras we'd have come up with something more practical by now). So, how to help myself. I was reading up on diet again this week. (Not diet as in losing weight - diet as in the stuff we eat). I read a lot but actually do very little. The piece was saying that we could all start off with just one thing that would make a difference to our diets if we did it - repeatedly and slowly. It is telling that all the comments seemed to be about increasing nuts and seeds and making their own kimchi - just what kind of a rabbit hole have I gone down here? Whereas for me, the game changer would probably be it not being ESSENTIAL that I have a biscuit - or two - with every cup of coffee. 

So, just one thing to help my head. HOH is doing a lot of sea swimming at the moment because it helps him. I can't swim and am not interested in putting my legs anywhere where something unidentified can brush against them. I could stand on one leg while I brush my teeth or turn the shower to cold for the last 60 seconds. (Actually, that could happen anyway. HOH is trying to save electricity by adjusting the immersion and it is a work in progress so sometimes the hot water runs out). These are good things but I was after something a bit more positive or spiritual if you were feeling fancy. 

Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a musty cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have! Matthew 6

The Message translation of the Sermon on the Mount is one of the best things ever put to paper. The bit above is just a part of it. One of the secrets must be to choose the light over the dark - whenever you can. I know I would struggle to do this all day - every day. But maybe just once? Initially? I'd be interested to hear what other people are doing for their mental health at this time. 

When Richard E Grant's adored wife was dying, she knew how much he would struggle without her. So she made him promise to find a "Pocketful of Happiness" just once a day - every day. The principle is the same. Start with just one thing? Just finding one good thing and letting it in? Worth a go. Have a good week.