Complicated Grace

Hello All. I hope you are well. We are all improving mightily now. I hurt my back trying to tidy my wardrobe so I may not bother with that kind of thing again. It's a lot better now thank you. We still continue to tidy out Aged Parent's flat. It's quite weird sorting through someone's things when they are not dead, as well as arranging to have all their stuff carted away. Obviously, we kept a few things back that we thought she might like - a favourite ornament and a couple of soft toys. However, she didn't seem that bothered. The most important thing is that there a plenty of things that keep her happy in her new place such as picking fights over nothing apparently. I try to get to the bottom of things, usually unsuccessfully.

ME        I believe you and the lady in the Meatloaf T-Shirt have had words?

AP        Yes we have. Do you know what she did? (Makes gesture)

ME        (Unsure at this point) She showed you her thumb?

AP        Yes, she did. But she won't be doing THAT again in a hurry.

ME        Fair enough

She is to all intents and purposes content and safe which is the main thing. I'm not sure that the lady in the T-shirt is the same but it's every man for himself. I can't be worrying about everyone. I'm not sure this is a scriptural approach so do me a favour and don't look it up.

For those that are worrying about my adventures in kefir. I have to report that I didn't try it. HOH tried it and he said it tasted like a barium meal so I didn't bother. I tried breakfasting on whole milk yoghurt, fruit and seeds for breakfast but by 10.30 am, I felt as if my throat had been cut and had to have two chocolate biscuits with a coffee. So I'm putting chia seeds on my usual breakfast at the moment and leaving it at that.

To the cinema to watch Mrs Harris Goes to Paris. I loved this. I am thinking of only going to see PG films in future. I don't see why I should be taken to the edge by my evening entertainment. Admittedly, I thought I was going to see the film version of Mrs Pettigrew Lives For a Day which is a favourite book but I loved this anyway. A post-war widow gets it into her head that she would like to buy a couture dress by Christian Dior - as you do. She goes to Paris to pursue her dream (you had probably worked that out from the title) and lots of things happen. It's not what you call full of jeopardy.  It is joyful, sweet, beautiful and kind. Everyone in it is excellent and I felt better for it. HOH said it was so cloying he could feel his teeth rotting as he was watching it. So you pays your money and you takes your choice. Philistine.

Tomorrow is October 17th which would have been my brother's birthday. So we went and bought a bunch of yellow roses - his favourite - because I'm the only member of the family who can remember him now. My brother was lots of things. Hardworking, obsessive, curious (or nosey), outspoken, caring and really, really funny. He was bewildered by life sometimes and struggled to find who he was. As he wrestled with his sexuality and life in general he hurt some people I love pretty badly and behaved in ways that I would never condone. And yet, I am in no doubt that he loved Jesus and he felt that God got him like no one else did (including most Christians). He was a complicated picture of the nature of Grace. So much room for improvement. So much that he needed to change but loved exactly as he was by God which I and lots of other people never quite got. When I think of him, I think that is something that I don't want to get wrong again. Just where we are, just where he was. You might not be right. You might not be ok. There may be things that can't be left as they are. But Grace overcomes all things, keeps us safe and secure, we are loved. 

“Once an old woman at my church said the secret is that God loves us *exactly* the way we are *and* that he loves us too much to let us stay like this, and I’m just trying to trust that.” ~

ANNE LAMOTT