True

 

Good evening all. I hope you are well. We are ok - I'm a bit ranty though. Aged Parent is struggling a bit now and, rather disastrously, we heard this week that they are about to close her care home. Something to do with finances and staff shortages. I think I may have said that this is the closest that AP has come to being happy in some time. She is still what they call "feisty" but fairly settled. I'm not sure how she will be about moving. Her and the rest of the dementia suffering people who will be moved on from their homes and not being able to be reassured or comforted. Not to mention all the care staff who will be job hunting at the end of the month. We should know more tomorrow.

This flies in the face a little of the promises of squillions of pounds being pumped into the Care System. Unless, it's accidentally gone somewhere else, like someone has got a number wrong in the bank transfer and it's gone into the wrong account. I hate it when that happens. But what could have happened? Surely someone wasn't actually lying? No!

Let's be honest, we have all been economical with the truth sometimes. For instance, the Twitter account Very British Problems gave a list of ways the British say "I won't be coming."

I mean, technically, not lying or no - maybe technically lying but lying to let someone down gently. With a good heart - for their benefit really and, in no way trying to get out of something without actually saying you are because you are frightened of the person who wants you to come.

I think there is always room to be kind  - not everyone needs everything all at once. I can tell you this and I think it will surprise no-one. I could have done with Aged Parent holding back on the truth, the whole truth etc etc. I know she isn't here to defend herself but having had this conversation with her - I know she doesn't think she has an issue. For instance she would have no trouble "advising" me that my skin was dodgy or that I was fat. And, conversely, if she thought I looked good, she would say so. Just not as often. She may have been speaking the truth. Although, at this time in my life I am living by the advice given by Catherine Deneuve that, at a certain age, a woman has to choose between her face and her a**. As you can see, I may have over-chosen but I have no time for that now.

In the 1800s, an abolitionist changed her name to Sojourner Truth. Born into slavery in New York, she escaped with her infant daughter and spent the rest of her life fighting for both anti-slavery and feminist causes. 

Quite apart from all her obvious qualities, you have to admire a woman who is confident enough in herself and what she was going to be in her life to change her second name to "Truth". I wouldn't even think about it - mainly because I know I couldn't do it. I could consider changing my name to "Sorry to bother you but..." 

I am a scaredy cat. Lots of people are not I know. HOH used to work with a nurse who sometimes would start a sentence with "I hope you don't mind me saying...." This was a sign to immediately put on tin hats because  - even if you did mind - it was coming in anyway. 

I'm not talking about being unkind and confidence killing in our relationships, although Jesus was more than happy to cut through nonsense and be a bit snippy to bring reality out into the open. Witness the conversation with the woman at the well. 

He said, “Go call your husband and then come back.”

 “I have no husband,” she said.

“That’s nicely put: ‘I have no husband.’ You’ve had five husbands, and the man you’re living with now isn’t even your husband. You spoke the truth there, sure enough.”

Blimey! Mind you, did you notice that she didn't stomp off or get stroppy? She just listened - which may suggest that truth - delivered with the other person in mind rather than to get you out of a bind or be mean - is always the best policy.

Because, I think if truth becomes devalued - easy come easy go - then you get stuff like we had had this week when the family of Nicola Bulley have had to cope with people going through their dustbins and phoning their friends or even printing spurious stories in newspapers- not because they really think that she was kidnapped by Aliens but because truth can be a casualty when it's all about the clicks. 

Or when politicians avoid the truth by just repeating and repeating what the political consultants have told them to say. "I don't recognise that statement" or "That's not how I remember it." Not a downright lie but not the truth either and eventually, when they get caught - as eventually we all are - well that's just how it is. The Deputy Chair of the Tory Party (not saying his name because I suspect he loves the notoriety) was caught lying on the doorstep. He shrugged. So what? Haven't we all done it? I don't know. Have we?

I spoke to someone this week who said that she felt that loads of people who visited Foodbanks didn't really need to be going. I know there are always chancers (the man who tried to take three kettles for friends and family and in no way because he knew someone down the pub who would take them off his hands, was a particular favourite I believe) but what has happened here is that, when enough people say that the majority of the poor are not even poor at all and they keep saying it, then people start to believe it. Which is probably why we are where we are really. 

It might make me a miserable crow preferring the truth and whatever is good to the cut and thrust and jolly japes of seeing what falls in your lap when you are playing jiggery pokery with reality. But there you are - probably best to be on this side of the fence. That's what I'm thinking. Have a good week.