Aged Parent

So, when all comes to all, the end came quite quickly. We had been told that Aged Parent's lungs were not good and that the Care Home were going to make sure that they had an "End Of Life Pack" on site to help if she was in pain. However, we were also told that 'We aren't there yet."  Then, within 48 hours we got a call saying "Can you come now?" And it was as if God had opened the door to heaven and said "Are you coming Beryl or what?" Because she went.

We sat with her for a few hours but she wasn't really with us. She woke up once and said "Ooh Colin and Lesley." She also sat up, wagged her finger at an imaginary adversary saying "And as for you!" But other than that, it was peaceful. We noticed that the Home had opened the window so that she could leave. HOH said this used to happen quite a lot when he worked in the hospital. As if progress to the other side could be hampered by a dodgy lock or a window frame that had been over painted till it was solid. (HOH would like me to make clear that he did not approve of this and had been known to roll his eyes and make tutting noises under his breath.)

There's a lot to do isn't there? In fact, it is all very low key. She had very few friends at this end of the country and they are no longer with us or too ill so the "funeral" at this end is going to be quiet. She had expressed a wish to go back up north so we will do that later. There is quite a bamboozling array of things to think about. I can have her fingerprint made into a necklace or put her ashes into a ring (I would lose it - probably almost immediately) or we could have her embalmed. Who knew all this existed? She would be horrified by being messed about with so none of that will be happening. Just a nice wash and blow dry. One day, when I am feeling more robust, I may well chat with you about the surreal experience that is the Co-op Funeral Parlour. 

What I am thinking about most is processing what was sometimes a difficult relationship. An auntie (she's not my auntie but you know what I mean) who had been her closest friend before the friendship foundered, phoned last week. She said "She loved you to bits you know. She couldn't help being the way she was." I think that is quite a decent sum-up of everything. The best I could come up with and the thing that gives me most comfort is an (extremely) loose paraphrase of a CS Lewis story. 

A man goes to heaven and is being shown around by an angel. 

"And on your left is.... And on your right is... Don't touch that!" 

You get the idea. In the middle of the tour they both have to move to the side of the golden street as a huge procession is coming through. It is obviously a person of great honour and the man is very excited about who it might be. Moses perhaps? Or Peter? Maybe Thora Hird? However, when he glimpses the person he is really disappointed and tells the angel.

"I knew her. She didn't tear up any trees. She lived near me. She was unremarkable to be honest."

The angel, obviously irritated, says

"Why does no-one ever take any notice? The fact is, and this is made perfectly plain all the way through the Bible, we don't measure things the way that you do. Your idea of honour and greatness bears little resemblance to the measure we use here. This woman trusted God her whole life and overcame almost insurmountable odds to live what you call an unremarkable life. She will be held in great esteem here."

And that's what I think may be happening. She is with the One now who loved her best, understood her struggles and has taken her to his heart. And she is, I think, happy.