La France

Bonjour! I have returned to Blighty. I said that I would be late but, to be accurate, I haven't turned up at all for a week but I have been recovering from France and had nothing left to give. I hope you are all well. I would normally say that I hope you are enjoying the weather but apparently, some areas have it coming down in stair-rods so I will keep quiet.

Many people have asked me about my trip to Paris and if we enjoyed it. I loved every minute with my daughter and we laughed like drains and got on very well. I am aware that I am privileged in that, at my time of life, I have a daughter that will countenance coming on holiday with me. Yet, having said that we had a terrific time, I will also say that we would probably never do it again. EVER. As I may have said, we went by coach and we were aware that there would be other pick-up points. However, when the first pick-up is in Plymouth at 2.45 am, to catch a ferry the next day at LUNCHTIME, I should have spotted the flaw in Shearing's plan. We set off and, like a fool, I expected us to travel towards Exeter and bump along the bottom of the country towards Dover. Hah! We went to Bristol and Bridgewater, and we picked up some people who came from Swansea. It was the longest coach journey ever. Some seasoned travellers were taking it in their stride. Others - not so much. It is a complicated system where feeder coaches get you to Dover then you all swap on to your holiday coaches depending on your destination. Fiendish. The same thing happens on the way back and one of the coaches didn't get through French Customs in time so they missed the ferry and we all had to wait for them in Dover for an hour and a half. It seemed that French Customs officials were deliberately waving through everyone but the British who had to go through an extra set of checks. Name me one benefit of Brexit. Just one! I will wait. No? Thought not. 

Paris was lovely. We had nice weather and bimbled about for a day. I gave FOW2 a potted history of the French Revolution and she pretended she was interested, which I was grateful for because she was going to have it anyway. (Although she did perk up around the gory story of Robespierre's execution - listening with rapt attention and then judging it "disgusting"). We were chatting about this at La Place de Concord - which is obviously, a big deal in French history being, as it was, the epicentre of The Revolution and the execution of the King and Queen of France. But now, it just seems to be a roundabout with little or no nods to its history. I said to FOW2 that maybe it was just because the French hated us but she pointed out that there was very little information in French as well so maybe the French also hate the French which I believe is a possibility. It was the same at Versailles. It is an extraordinary place - the gardens run as far as the eye can see - yet there are hardly any little plaques telling you what things are. There are one or two, my favourite was "This is the room where Marie Antionette installed her billiard table". Uncouth behaviour obviously but surely not deserving of coming to such a sticky end. It's not for me to advise the French but in England, if you visit the sites of multiple executions etc. we are more than happy to go into unpleasant detail at the drop of a hat and type it up on a bit of A4 and then laminate it for you to read. Seems to work for us. Also, another piece of unsolicited advice. French lady with a dog (assume you are French - I didn't see any foreigners with one) don't take your dog into the toilets with you, let it pooh on the floor, let it walk through it and leave a trail as you leave. This behaviour will, almost inevitably, lead to the American lady who goes follows you into the cubicle passing judgment on you which will be loud and borderline racist. Just trying to help.

While we were away, there was the unspeakable event in Annecy where someone identifying as a Syrian Christian ran into a park and stabbed several toddlers - some in their prams. Lives were saved by people in the playground - including a man identifying as a Catholic - putting themselves in harm's way. Some Christians have been distressed by this person calling himself a follower of Christ - especially at this time when some Christian leaders seem to have a very loosey-goosey grip on decency and leadership.  There are things going on here that I would not claim to know anything about but just to make clear that you can call yourself "Christian" and it means nothing. I can call myself Harry Kane but my lack of goalscoring prowess may make you doubt this statement. You can say lots of things but it doesn't make them the truth (I'm looking at you ex-Prime Minister). You may even believe yourself what you are saying is true - it still doesn't necessarily make it so. (Once again -  glancing in your direction Mr J). There's a bit in Matthew where Jesus talks about knowing what people are by their fruits - or what comes out of them - kindness, joy winsomeness (favourite word at the moment, sorry). There is a more modern translation in The Message 

"Be wary of false preachers who smile a lot, dripping with practised sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off in some way or other. Don’t be impressed with charisma; look for character. Who preachers are is the main thing, not what they say. A genuine leader will never exploit your emotions or your pocketbook."

(Blimey Mr Johnson - you are everywhere tonight aren't you?) We used to have a Pastor who didn't like to be called Pastor because he felt that people would be able to see who he was by the way he served his congregation. (In the end, it got a bit complicated because visitors kept being shown into the wrong person's offices but you get the idea.) There will always be wolves and lots of them will be wearing fetching sheepskin coats that they use to try to cover what they are. It's who you are - not what you say you are. I'll leave that with you Boris. Have a good week.