Looking Back

Hello all. How are you? We are back from Manchester having slogged down the motorway for approximately eight hours in the slashing rain to deliver Aged Parent (well bits of her) back to the less-than-salubrious water of Salford Quays. 

I am aware that these are difficult times and our little weekend saying a final goodbye to Aged Parent isn't really that important. This is obviously true but I hope you find the following makes you smile a bit and are comforted as we have been, by family, friends and enough junk food to sink a ship. 

Actually. all went very well, to be honest. It was good to have FOW 1 and 2 with us and the rest of my family. I wish I had made a better plan. More organised. Or even a bit organised. We just rocked up with a vague idea of scattering her remains in the water or "tipping her up in the Quays" as a religious person I know described it but we hadn't really thought of exactly how this would take place. And everyone seemed to be looking to me for inspiration any ideas at all. I think I may have mentioned here that this is very much about doing something that Aged Parent would want i.e. return her to Salford and any seeming lack of respect/planning/hymn singing or general providing of a religious event was partly because we had already done the religious bit, partly because I believe she is in a much better place and partly because she would have told us not to be so daft. She really wasn't up for horses with black feathers and a man dressed like Willy Wonka with a big stick walking at the front of her hearse. (Actually - thinking back to the funeral - she did get the Willy Wonka man. Hmm). 

So. We arrived at Salford Quays and HOH carried Aged Parent in a nice bag. (Things I have learned about funerals (1) ashes are a lot heavier than you think they are. I used to take her weight quite a lot when she was alive and I don't remember her being that heavy. It crossed my mind that we may not have the right person or (heaven forbid) we had a bit of someone else as well. I'm really no good at this. 

We didn't particularly want an audience so we wandered away from Media City to somewhere a bit quieter which turned out to be a bit higher up than I had imagined. Speaking of imagining, in my mind's eye I had thought that I would say a few words and maybe everyone would be saved or something. But, in the end, as we tipped the ashes into the water, a sort of automatic reaction took over and everyone sort of half cheered "Yayyyyy!" Things I have learned about funerals (2) It's quite difficult to be classy and respectful when you are leaning over a barrier ten feet over water and it's really windy.

Still. Goodness knows how, but it was a lovely moment to remember a life lived with people who had loved her. And, if FOW1 whispered "I think I have a bit of Nana on my shoe", it's not that important really. Things I have learned about funerals (3) a "scatter tube" probably isn't a bad idea when it is that windy. 

We then retired to a local hostelry and feasted on dodgy carbohydrates - burgers etc. and toasted Aged Parent and had a lovely time. And she would have been happy for us. Probably. Or possibly not. You couldn't always judge how that mop was going to flop.

We were staying with some old friends when we were up north, which was lovely. They have a sort of granny flat so you don't think you are making their lives too much of a misery. It was a lovely evening - swapping old church stories and saying things like "Are they still together?" or "I'll be honest, I never thought she was cut out for counselling. She never seemed to like anybody". (That's not Aged Parent, in case you were wondering.)

Our friends also found an old church magazine. Did you have church magazines? It was pre-Internet obviously but the Assemblies of God had a national magazine called Redemption Tidings. It was actually the definition of the word "staid". I remember it caused a bit of a stir when - in a "Meet the Pastor" interview, our Pastor's wife informed us that she felt one of the most important things that she looked for in a husband was that he was a good lover. Happy days. 

In an attempt to update the magazine idea, our church produced its own for a short while. It was called "Inspire" and cost the princely sum of £1.50 and Yours Truly was a Columnist. My friend found an old copy - lovingly reproduced for you here. (I don't know what all the lights are on the photo. I think you all understand by now that David Bailey has no need to feel threatened by anything I produced) How young was I though? I think I thought I was going to be the next Adrian Plass. According to the back of the article, I was also the after-dinner speaker at a ladies' meeting that Christmas as well. I only vaguely remember it but I would like to apologise if you were there and I hope it didn't ruin your Christmas. Have a good week.