Thank Goodness That's Done

 

Hello everyone. I hope you are doing ok. A lot of us in the UK feel slightly relieved. Whatever, your thinking about the General Election results (and I think it is certainly not a perfect result), we at least have leaders who seem to be having a go at treating government seriously or at least looking as if they are, which is nice and not much to ask. (Well, apparently, it was quite a lot to ask). I live in Plymouth - home to professional veteran MP and reality star Johnny Mercer - although he's not MP in my bit of Plymouth.  Mr Mercer did not take his loss very well and apparently, there had also been a bit of a hoo-hah when Mrs Mercer saw some veterans protesting about her husband on the Manadon Roundabout so she called the police. Now, I believe that it was quite unsavoury what the veterans had written on their banner so I don't suppose you could blame her really. Still, I wouldn't have thought that calling out the rozzers on people was going to get anyone to vote for you. Ah, the cut and thrust of politics. Their problem - if it were any of my business - is that she is his secretary earning approx £40,000 a year. So now they are both out of a job. This is one of the reasons that some people in politics are trying to make it illegal to have your wife as your secretary if you are an MP. I'm sure they will be fine. Expect to see him stripped to the waist, covered in fish guts, recording "When Sharks Attack Celebrities" fairly soon.

I have had a better week, thanks for asking and thanks for your prayers. Some things are moving along in a better direction at work hopefully and I'm sorry I won't be able to say much more than that. The back door still resembles - well a back door that's been firebombed - to be frank but His Majesty's Constabulary are working on it. Apparently. 

On top of everything else, our Pastor/Minister/Bishop (I still haven't got the hang of Methodism) has announced that he is leaving. I knew it was on the cards when he announced that he was the proud possessor of a PHD. (Can we say "on the cards"? I wouldn't want you to think I was advocating reading Tarot or anything.) You always know that some Bible School is going to sniff an academic qualification out. Anyway, we have been very sad. He has been very kind to HOH and me because we were shambolic spiritually and mentally when we came to this place and he had the good sense to leave us alone apart from the odd, compulsory Christian coffee. 

The situation isn't helped because of the strange set-up in Methodism. I just assumed that the "Lay Pastor" (No idea what that means either). would just step up. He's very good. But no! He can't. You can only get new pastors in September apparently Possibly when the moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligns with Mars. Because our minister is going to academia - he has to be sorted by September and we have missed the window or something. There's some sort of speed dating thing that goes on once a year and then there's a lot of coy pointing at each other and then Bob's Your Uncle. Also, the Lay Pastor can't serve Communion because...well I've no idea why. I expect there are reasons. I just don't remember Jesus - as he handed out the last meal to his disciples - saying "Do this in remembrance of me - once you have all the right qualifications". What do I know? I come from a Pente background. We had a server who would nudge people as they were taking Communion and hiss " What about that Wanderers' result eh?" Swings and Roundabouts I suppose. If anyone is a Methodist and can explain the thinking around having one of the biggest churches in the South West short of a minister for twelve months, I would be grateful.

Meanwhile, back in the 21st Century. In a weak moment, HOH and I agreed to take over the Welcome in church. Part of this involved sorting the Rotas for the Welcome Team through the medium of ChurchSuite - a church database. Can I tell you that I am highly proficient in software that can plan multiple traffic routes for multiple vehicles and drivers all over Plymouth? I have run a Gift Aid software set up for around 1500 people. I can register a deaf, bad-tempered ninety-year-old onto our work computer system with barely a mutter. But ChurchSuite may well be beyond me and, because the kind lady who used to do it had put the next rota in place,  I haven't done a rota yet! I think it may be going rogue. Last week, it wiped all my friend's dates off and replaced her with me and I'm not even on door duty. Then it sent a random reminder email to someone that she was on the door on Sunday and she was in Nova Scotia. I've seen 2001 - A Space Odyssey. I know how this goes. Does anyone else have ChurchSuite? Is there any chance that it is of the Devil? Just asking.

Right. I am off now. I hope you like my notice which has been left for us all on the Car Park Door. We don't have Security by the way. We have a Waking Watch because the Fire Alarm in the building is being replaced (eventually). Waking Watch - for those who don't know, seems to consist of three men who take turns sitting at the Underground Car Park Door having a fag and waving cheerfully to people as they come and go through the automatic doors. We think we may be keeping Waking Watch awake. We are all doomed. Have a good week.